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Tips to Pastoral Counselling

Title: God's Frozen Chosen
Date: 01-Nov-2001

As a person who likes to express myself to someone close to me, I cannot stand the times when my husband unintentionally ignores me. I feel rejected and damaged in my inner being. I walked up and down, waiting for him to speak to me again. Thankfully, he feels the same about my occasional silence. I have discovered that many men in our Asian community do not talk to their wives intimately. It is rather unlikely that their wives are unattractive or unlovable. Such men just find great difficulty in expressing their deepest feelings, good of bad, to those closest and dearest to them. Their feelings appear to be frozen from within. A suggestion to them to tell their spouses "I love you" may give them instant cold feet even if it were straight after their honeymoon. But outside the home environment, they may often be experts in public relations. It therefore appears to me that they need to keep part of themselves hidden, though usually unintentionally enough. Perhaps some past painful experiences have been so carved into their tender nature in childhood or even later in life, that they have learnt to automatically close up in order to avoid new pains.

Yet, how wonderful to witness the marvellous work of grace in such men's lives when, in the security of God's love and unconditional acceptance through another fellow human being, they open up for God to peep into their hearts, to wash and to heal their wounds. How relieved they are, how light and free they feel after that! How wonderful indeed to be in touch with their very own selves and feelings for the first time in adult life. Even more, my God, how beautiful to watch the healing of marriages where husbands and wives learn to feel with one another without shame or embarrassment!

For Meditation and Prayer:
Matthew 8:17; Romans 8:26-27; John 5:6; Genesis 2:20-25; Ephesians 4:15


 



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